THE REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
THE BRITISH VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel' s taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile.
The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they have tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel’s food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister. The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END
In addition the squirrel decides enough is enough and sells up everything he owns and pisses off to Spain !
Source: emailed to me today.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
State of Britain Today!
Monday, August 28, 2006
Pluto, we hardly knew you
Extract from the San Francisco Chronicle:
The recent news of the demotion of the planet Pluto to "dwarf planet" status took a lot of people by surprise. With the use of confidential sources, The Chronicle has been able to acquire the exclusive rights to the following correspondence. We feel it adds to the debate of this critical issue.
Memo: To Pluto
From: The Solar System
Subject: Demotion to dwarf planet status.
Dear Pluto:
Whew. This is a tough one. First, I just want you to know that we all feel terrible about this. I think I speak for us all -- Mars, Venus, the whole gang -- when I say you've been like a sun to us. Seriously.
Look, I can't say this is fair. It isn't. Downsizing is just a fact of life these days. It's universal. One minute you're on the "Children's Guide to the Solar System," and the next you're a black hole. Who knows how they make these calls at headquarters?
I do have to say, in all honesty, that there were some problems. A lot of it was just image stuff. We've talked about this before. Like, what makes Mercury so hot anyhow? It is hard to fight perceptions like that.
And, to be brutally honest, you probably could have done a better job with your presentation. There were times when you were seen as distant, aloof, even cold. Nobody saw you much. We ran in the same circles for years and years, but I don't think anybody really got to know you. It wasn't just your "eccentric orbit," you know. There were plenty of whispers that you were "way out there," or "too spacey."
As for the jokes, well, I don't think there was much you could do about that. "Hey look, isn't that Pluto? Out by Uranus?" How many times did we hear that one? No matter how many times we explained that Neptune is the planet next to you, it didn't matter. Sophomoric humor is a force that transcends astrophysics.
At the end of the day, I think we all realize that what it really comes down to is Earth. (I know, who made them the center of the universe?) Earth, with its big, gassy atmosphere and all those peeping pointy-headed scientists with their telescopes.
They act like they created planets. Hello? Big Bang? Ten billion years ago? Frankly, I don't get it. First they name us, then they take it away. For seventy-some years you were a planet. Now you're a "dwarf planet." What's next, changing your name to "Dopey"?
But there was a time, eh, when you were a star. Back in the 1930s, you were mysterious and theoretical. Astronomers on Earth stayed up nights thinking about you. They'd hang around the observatory, just hoping to catch a glimpse of you on a night when you were out with Neptune.
Remember the excitement when they finally saw you? There was all the talk about what your name should be. The New York Times got involved, suggesting Minerva, which sounds like a name for a new kitchen range. And then, an 11-year-old girl from England, Venetia Phair, suggested Pluto, and it stuck. (Personally, I'd say if anyone needed a new name it was Venetia Phair, but that's probably just solar snark.)
And all right, as it turned out, Pluto was probably not the most awe-inspiring choice. Jupiter gets to be the giant of the skies, and you turn out to be Mickey Mouse's dog. A bad break, no doubt about it.
Still, there was a window of opportunity there, a chance to make a name for yourself. And I'll be honest, you didn't do much to help matters. It seemed you were never available for photographs. And you projected a chilly, frigid atmosphere. It wasn't inviting, frankly.
The more they got to know you, the more there were doubts. They said you lacked "gravitas." The whisper campaign began. You were smaller than seven moons in the solar system, even -- and this was a killer -- Earth's moon.
I don't have to tell you how it all unraveled from there. There was sniping about your "oblong orbit." (Hey, we all accept the orbit we're given. It's a universal law.) A low point had to be when that big ball of ice, UB313, was put up for planethood in 2003. Hey, it's a solar system, not a Little League team. Not everybody gets to play, OK?
Yanking your planet status is a blow, no doubt about it. More than anything, I suppose, it is embarrassing. But you'll get over it. The sun will come up again in another 162 hours, just like always.
The good news is, you still have a chance to shine. Earth scientists say they are going ahead with the $700 million New Horizons spacecraft flyby. It is expected to pass you on July 14, 2015.
We're all pulling for you when that happens. We know that when they see you up close and in person they will understand that you are not some dwarf, or a "minor planet," but a key part of the solar system. We'd just say that you should always remember who you are and what we think of you.
You rock.
C.W. Nevius' column appears regularly in The Chronicle. His blog, cwnevius.blog, and podcast, "News Wrap," can be found on SFGate.com. E-mail him at cwnevius@sfchronicle.com.
Monday 28 August 2006 - 04:27AM (GMT)
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Astronomical Error of Science
And so we now have a new 'scientific' definition for the word planet... Pluto get's to be called a dwarf planet. So now there are just eight classical planets and a whole load of dwarf planets most yet to be named. That's fine. No honestly, I mean it, it really is fine.What's not fine is the definition.
Here's the IAU's two resolutions that were voted on and approved last Thursday:
RESOLUTION 5A
The IAU therefore resolves that "planets" and other bodies in our Solar System be defined into three distinct categories in the following way:
(1) A "planet"1 is a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape, and (c) has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.
(2) A "dwarf planet" is a celestial body that (a) is in orbit around the Sun, (b) has sufficient mass for its self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that it assumes a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape2 , (c) has not cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit, and (d) is not a satellite.
(3) All other objects3 except satellites orbiting the Sun shall be referred to collectively as "Small Solar-System Bodies".
1The eight planets are: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune.
2An IAU process will be established to assign borderline objects into either dwarf planet and other categories.
3These currently include most of the Solar System asteroids, most Trans-Neptunian Objects (TNOs), comets, and other small bodies.
IAU Resolution: Pluto
RESOLUTION 6A
The IAU further resolves:
Pluto is a "dwarf planet" by the above definition and is recognized as the prototype of a new category of trans-Neptunian objects.
It all seems ok until you read the words... " has not cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit". Scientific definitions are required to be clear, concise and objective in their statements. This to me seems not at all clear and certainly not objective. How does one interpret clearing the neighbourhood? Of what? To what extent?Download text
Word-formatI'm no astronomer and I'm no scientist. I'll admit that. But I am sure that the IAU have blundered with this defintion. Somehow, the IAU consider that the eight planets from Mercury to Uranus have all cleared the neighbourhood around their orbits. Presumably of other significant celestial objects. If they want to keep along the lines of "cleared the neighbourhood around it's orbit" then they must define this much more clearly because as it stands it is far too ambiguous.
I suppose this resolution will probably stay in place for a while. I should look on the bright side... not that Pluto has much of a bright side. Pluto has joined a new class of planets called dwarfs. He might feel more at home among friends more like himself. I look forward to getting to know the names of all his new classmates.
Here's an article from the Hindustan Times that makes a very valid point:
Which of these would you say is a dog: a German Shepherd or a Chihuahua? This is the kind of question put before delegates of the International Astronomical Union (IAU) General Assembly who powwowed in Prague over Pluto's planet-hood. No wonder hardly 300 of the 2,700 astronomers at the meet even bothered to vote for, or against, stripping the ninth rock from the Sun of its planetary status and making it a 'planet dwarf' instead.
The planets in our solar system have been traditionally divided into two main groups. The inner band of relatively small worlds - Mercury to Mars - is followed by a wide gap, where the 'minor planets' or asteroids move. Beyond this is the realm of the four giants - Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune.
Pluto's 248-year journey around the Sun is unusual for two reasons. First, its narrow, elliptical orbit edges it closer to the Sun at times than Neptune. Second, if you imagine planetary orbits as discs and look at their edges, they will appear to lie close to each other. Pluto's disc, however, is different, being tilted at an angle of 17 degrees away from Earth's orbit.
This prompts some astronomers to suggest that Pluto is not a 'real' planet, and could even be a former moon of Neptune. With new telescope technologies enabling scientists to find more and more objects orbiting far from the Sun, some of which are similar to Pluto, the clamour for downgrading the planet has become louder.
Under the new IAU guidelines, a celestial object qualifies as a planet only if it orbits a star, without itself being a star, and is large enough for gravity to pull it into a roughly spherical shape. Besides, it must dominate its orbit, clearing away other objects. Pluto's detractors point to its highly elliptical orbit, which overlaps that of Neptune, to relegate it to a new category called 'dwarf planets'.
The problem is, this will obviously also affect Earth, Mars, Jupiter and Neptune, none of which has a clear orbital zone. Earth orbits with 10,000 near-Earth asteroids, while Jupiter's path is littered with over 100,000 'Trojan asteroids' (chunks of rubble left over from the solar system's formation more than four billion years ago).
As for Neptune, if it were to clear its zone, there would be no Pluto in the first place! Astronomers would've been better off wondering what Pluto is like, rather than what it is. For only by learning more about the outer planets can we get to know more about how the inner solar system was formed.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Planet Definition
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Although there is no set scientific definition for planet (from the Greek planetes “wanderers”), as a rule of thumb, a planet: 1) must directly orbit a star or an object that has nuclear fusion; 2) must be small enough that it has not undergone internal nuclear fusion (ie, it is not a star or starlike object); and 3) must be large enough that its self-gravity gives it the general shape of a sphere.
There it's easy! One that most people can understand. So please astronomers go home or discuss something else!
www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0004425.html
okai fine, i will tell you here first
Most Voracious Energies Might Just Seem UbiQuitous
Save the Planet!
So astronomers are debating whether to downgrade Pluto from planet status! Tomorrow they decide what the definition of a planet should be since they don't have one right now.
They can't do that! It will mean we can't use the mneumonic "My Very Easy Method: Just Set Up Nine Planets" for remembering the order the planets are in.
I hope they come up with a simple definition of what a planet is that keeps Pluto in the frame! Come on you clever boffins - you can do it!
Thainx! i have another one will blog it later!
Sunday 28 January 2007 - 11:11AM (CST)Monday, August 14, 2006
Flights of the Mind
Dan Brown's DaVinci Code is one thing.... but Charles Nicholl's "Leonardo da Vinci - Flights of the Mind" purports to demystify the 15th century genius. This is the book I'm reading at the moment and save the fact that the author is going into horrifyingly boring details in parts I hope that the story of Da Vinci's life will bring me some inspiration.
Leonardo dreamed of and studied ways to achieve manned flight..
A quote by Leonardo:
When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
i understand the Leonardo quote but not as in a flight pattern.... LOL
i think of it more on 2 opposite sides of reality...
When once you have tasted TRUE Imagination ...
and
When once you have tasted TRUE Romance ...
of course with a heck of an imagination U can create your own romance... but that's boring when what you are really needing is a REAL romance to help fuel your imagination ....
Saturday, August 12, 2006
New Ipod - Yeah!
Saturday 12 August 2006 - 12:07PM (GMT)
i am an ipod illiterate...
Sunday 28 January 2007 - 10:48AM (CST)Friday, August 11, 2006
Torture in Paradise
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Some nights are like torture in paradise...
Comments from Yahoo 360
see i figure some people would read this and think dang! what's up with him...
and of course i am thinking... 'oooh tell me more kinky details'?
;o
Falling from Cloud 9 - It's a mighty drop!
From feeling on top of the world i'm suddenly shaken and right down at the bottom again. How the smallest and seemingly most trivial things in life can suddenly trip you up and dismantle the considerable efforts i put into getting to the top.
Today's picture is rude i'm afraid but it helped me to smile a bit more.
interestingly enuf that was the dai before my 40th my birthdai. most people remember their 40th as it is a big milestone. my PTSD has helped me NOT remember, i guess. i didn't live my humble abusive abode until septemeber 17th.
o wait!
i just had a remission or something... i do remember my children taking me 2 an Italian restaurant, their treat! that was good...
does this mean i am healing if i can remember something from those dais?
speaking of being screwed!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
St Conan's Kirk
Today's photo is of St Conan's Kirk by Loch Awe in Scotland. We stopped there enroute to our wedding destination. It's a very beautiful church. i thought at first the church was really old and had origins back to 12th and 13th century... but no, building first started in 1881 and and wasn't completed until 1930. i loved the place and it has many interesting architectural features. If ever your visiting this area i highly recommend you give this place a visit.
http://www.undiscoveredscotland.co.uk/lochawe/stconans/
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
Rings and Vows!
Almost two weeks ago i got married to someone i love very much... to the best person in my world in fact...
The photo is one of our wedding in Scotland.
My husband, thanks for your dearly love you have been giving to me. We are in love now and forever, LU
Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 04:29AM (GMT)Tuesday, August 8, 2006
The Quindo's First Quill Marks on Blogger
I am a liberal minded philosophical entity with an agnostical approach to life - whatever that may mean!
My aim here is to write about my observations of life and to share some of my views.
Often times this will be done with a sense of humour and less occasionally with a sombre tone.
Happiness is my greatest virtue and Humanity is my greatest fascination (an amateur anthropologist if you like). I am filled with a passion and love for people, for knowledge, and for truth.
I love finding out new things, exploring historys in depth, and striving with my little bird-brain to have a better grasp of the sciences.
What you will read in the posts to follow I hope will often bring a smile to your face, leave you with some challenging thoughts, and even prompt to provide some feedback by way of comments.
Finally, this blog has a Lucky Mascot called Quindo - a blue feathered dodo. The essence of the philosophies and aims presented by the Quill of the Quindo are an integral part of the Qu'ove Revolution©.
Looking forward to you joining in with me to have lots of fun and stimulating discussions.
